Am I In A Healthy Relationship?

love-holding-handsBy Joyce Robison, Youth and Family Counselor

Valentine’s Day will soon be here and individuals are looking at finding their significant other. As a therapist I see many teens who are struggling in today’s society with finding and developing healthy relationships. I use the book “The Teen Relationship Workbook: For Professionals Helping Teens to Develop Healthy Relationships and Prevent Domestic Violence” by Kerry Moles. Below, from the book, is a list of both healthy and unhealthy traits.

Is it Healthy? Is it Unhealthy?
Have fun together more often than not Gets extremely jealous or accuses the other of cheating
Each enjoy spending time separately,  with your own friends, as well as with each other’s friends Puts the other down by calling names, cursing or making the other feel bad about him or herself
Always feel safe with each other Yells at and treats the other like a child
Trust each  other Doesn’t take the other person, or things that are important to him/her, seriously
Are faithful to each other if you have made this commitment Doesn’t listen when the other talks
Support each other’s goals in life, like getting a job or going to college Frequently criticizes the other’s friends or family
Respect Each other’s opinion, even when they are different Pressures the other for sex, or makes sex hurt or feel humiliating
Solve conflicts without putting each other down, cursing at each other or making threats Has ever threaten to hurt the other or commit suicide if they leave
Both accept responsibility for your actions Cheats or Threatens to cheat
Both apologize when you’re wrong Tells the other how to dress
Have equal decision-making power about what you do in the relationship Has ever grabbed, pushed, hit or physically hurt the other
Each control your own money Blames the other for your own behavior (“If you hadn’t made me mad, I wouldn’t have …….”)
Are proud to be with each other Embarrasses or humiliates the other
Encourage each other’s interest—like sports and extracurricular activities Smashes, throws or destroys things
Have some privacy — your letters, diary, personal phone calls are respected as your own Tries  to make the other feel crazy or plays mind games
Have close friends and family who like the other person and are happy about your relationship Goes back on promises
Never feel like your pressured for sex Acts controlling or possessive—like you own your partner
Communicate about sex, if your relationship is sexual Uses alcohol or drugs as an excuse for hurtful behavior
Allow each other “space” when you need it Ignores or withholds affection as a way of punishing the other
Always treat each other with respect Depends completely on the other to meet social or emotional needs

Friends281Salt Lake County Youth Services offers counseling and substance abuse treatment for those youth and their families struggling with relationship loss and who want to learn about coping skills or who are in need of treatment. If you or a youth you know are seeking professional help please contact Youth Services at 385-468-4500, visit our website for more information or email us at

This entry was posted in Communication Tips, Family Counseling, Mental Health, Parenting Tips, Teen Counseling. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Am I In A Healthy Relationship?

  1. I would like to add your article in my project. I am creating a list something like top useful articles about psychotherapy and counseling and I think this article would be a good addition. Here you can find my project article

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